Brain vomit 1 - So today we went to look at a new house. We aren't looking to move but I'm one of those people who is always wondering if the grass is greener on the other side so when I saw that this house was up for sale and only needed some modernisation and it was within budget and had a great garden etc etc. Well when the agent said *some* modernisation she actually meant new roof as this one pours water in, new floorboards as the old ones have been ripped up by thieves looking for copper pipes which they found, dry rot, wet rot, completely new plumbing and wiring system needed, walls knocking down, 100's of skips to get rid of the vast amount of crap in the house, new plaster as this lot is damp - you get the picture but hey, it had double glazing and a lift (was a care home!) Anyway, if we had the money I would have taken it on like a shot but it would need about £100,000 spending on it to get it done and we can't afford it!
So I came home from there and spent the next hour looking online at other houses in our area that are for sale and getting depressed as we couldn't afford the ones I liked and then I thought 'WTF are you doing Lynsey' You live in a very nice, big, Victorian house which backs onto a park, where the girls have a room each and you have a studio and Matt has a study. Why are you looking for something else?? So I kind of had a kick up the arse moment then to appreciate what I've got!
My garden - the green railings in the back is where the park starts.
Brain vomit 2 - I'm thinking that this looking for other houses/locations to live etc is just apart of this feeling of restlessness I have been having recently. Not sure why and it's a feeling that has been steadily growing but I have no idea what to do about it other than stop looking at houses online! I have suffered with depression in the past (post-natal with both girls and then a bit afterwards too) and I don't want to get into that mindset again. Not sure (and I really don't think it is) if the restless feeling is gearing up to depression again but I don't really want to take the chance.
Brain vomit 3 - I need to spend less time on the internet and yes I do realise the irony of saying that while writing a blog post but...... While I was on the computer earlier (looking at houses) the girls were playing outside and asked if I would come and see their shop. A whole hour passed before I actually went out and then I came back in as I wanted to look at the last 25 pages of houses. That needs to stop happening quite as much. Tricky when you run two businesses that rely on the internet but I'm sure I can figure something out.
Brain vomit 4 - I need to say yes much more especially to the girls. At the moment I am always finding excuse for why they can't do this and can't do that so I am going to say yes more.
Brain vomit 5 - Is anyone else annoyed at the 'perfect' bloggers - the ones who have children dressed in handmade clothes being fed granola that was cooked in the oven that morning with things harvested from the garden which grows in front of their perfect home. And what is more annoying when they say 'oh I'm not perfect' and show you a room that is clean and tidy but has one shoe out of place and that is their messy. Maybe I should stop reading them but I can't - they are like bloggy heroin! Messy is the pile of wet bedding at the top of the stairs because your youngest wet the bed, the piles of clothes on the bedroom floor, the plates left in the front room from last night and the recycling piled into the corner because you can't be bothered to open the door to the cellar and put it in the boxes (don't judge me!)
Brain vomit 6 - whoa - just read this back and it's all a bit woe is me isn't it? It's not meant to be but I'm trying (badly) to articulate what is swooshing around in my brain at the moment.
Brain vomit 7 - I think my new motto may be 'Fuck It'
P.S. I have decided to have the summer off from blogging so I will see you again in September and yes, I know I said that a few months ago and promptly wrote a few more posts but I mean it this time :) Maybe my brain vomit will have straightened itself out by then and become proper thoughts and ideas!